Know Your Place

Betty's understanding of the world and how it works is going well for her.
And not so well for us.

Last night, whilst putting The Poop down for bed I noted she had wind. Resting her on my shoulder for a moment I began to gently tap her back. A small burp. I then rubbed between her shoulder blades. Another burp. Smelled like Pledge (dunno why). "Good girl," I whispered.

At which Boo began to rub her little hand up and down my arm, occasionally slapping my bingo wing, and mockingly mutter "good girl" under her breath.
Hmm. Simultaneously winded and belittled by a 15 month old. So proud.

Betty has also learnt that 'sorry', when said in the cutest, most tiny, high pitched voice imaginable, can save her from ANY misdemeanour she chooses to commit.
Accidentally breaks one of her toys?
"Sorry."
"Don't worry darling." I mumble reassuringly.
Deliberately projectile vomits in my face?
"Sorry."
"It's not a problem sweetheart," I utter soothingly as I wipe bile from my corneas.
Masterminds and coerces other local toddlers into executing a terrifying gunpoint carjacking?
"Sorry."
"You didn't mean it sweetheart," I yell desperately in the direction of the public gallery as they take me down.

The Poop's coarse sense of 'The Truth' is also proving to be quite the eye-watering reality check for every feeling, emotionally available wimp and weed she manages to ensnare with one of her sentiment sodding retorts.

"Betty, look at this lovely book! It's called Betty and the Yeti! It's about you! Father Christmas bought it and we still haven't read it. It looks lovely - shall we read it?"
"Nope".

"Boo, here's Peppa Pig! It's coming on now - you love Peppa Pig! Come and watch it with Mummy. We can make your Peppa teddy dance to the music - do you want to come and watch it?"
"OFF!"

"Betty, Daddy has made you a really tasty stew - it's full of lots of stuff you like to eat and it's taken Daddy ages to cook for you. Do you want to have a taste?"
"Don't."

"Betty, (insert name of easily offended relative) is leaving now - it was very kind of him/her to bring you all these presents that you have accepted quite affably and played with whilst ignoring their presence the whole time they've been here. I'm convinced this will fall on deaf ears, but please, please, pretty please, would you come and give him/her a kiss and say bye-bye?"
"As if".

Marvellous.