Calpol

(This is not a sponsored post or review)

A-MAY-ZING.

Seriously, properly, absolutely and completely well good.

Yesterday The Poop was a lethargic, vomit stained, tender skinned little mite, piping out poos the consistency of gravy, which absolutely did not smell like gravy. Today? A vision of shining, sparkling, smiling loveliness who has slept like a, well, dream, and has since shelled out some encouragingly sturdy stools. 

Truly astounding.

What the Hell is in there?

Surely this stuff is in the running as a possible cure for cancer? Why don't government guidelines insist we all take it everyday? I swear to God, given half a chance, Calpol could end the recession, stop global warming and see an end to Dermot O'Leary appearing on telly. It might even clean my car out. 

Is it witchcraft? Magic? Sleight of hand? 

I did a bit of digging. Whispered in a few ears. Had a rifle round the archives of time. And after throwing thought, logic, reasoning and sense out of the window, I am now utterly convinced. Calpol was most certainly sponsored Jesus. How else do you explain all those miracles? 

Cured a leper? Defo Calpol at large. 

Water into wine? Calpol on the go again.

Walked on water? That's just the old 'Calpol on the soles of the feet' trick. Even Derren Brown wheels out that old chestnut.

His resurrection needn't have taken three days if only he'd had a taste of his own medicine. 

So. 

Since this isn't a sponsored post, or a paid review of any kind, I think that after such genuine praise of the highest biblical order, I should now more than qualify for a lifetime supply of this mind blowingly marvellous linctus. And in case those guys over at McNeil Products needed further proof of my eligibility as an ambassador for their terrifically impressive product - 

"Not only can Calpol perform actual real life miracles, it also smells AND tastes nice, which in itself is ANOTHER REAL LIFE MIRACLE."

That should more than do it.

Email me for postal address. Cheers.