It's boring in our house.
My naturally inquisitive young mind is keen to explore, test, challenge and understand. Yet my investigations are stopped in their tracks and as a result, my long term intellectual growth is impaired by my miserable sod of a mother.
All I want to do is snatch at large mugs of red hot tea, and what does she do? She stops me.
As I attempt to study the physical properties and capabilities of our plug sockets, Mum buts in and puts one of those socket covers on it.
I pull and stretch at the trailing wires I have managed to track down around the house, before the killjoy turns up to move me away from them.
I sit on wheelie toys and hurtle full speed towards the wincingly sharp corners of the coffee table, so she goes and sticks these little rounded plastic protector doodahs on them.
I hit upon the idea of submerging my whole face in my warm, frothy bath water, only for the old sourpuss to scoop me back into an upright position every time my face nears the surface.
I spy the opportunity to explore the touch, texture and taste of a plate of raw chicken, just as Mum sails in to steers it from my salmonella-less lips.
Immediately after ruining your game, she follows up with the irritatingly child-like "I said no" bit. This involves her crumpling her eyebrows into what I believe she thinks is a terrifying gaze, at which I should be extremely nervous and desperately worried; when I am in fact bored to tears with the whole theatrical caper.
She then backs up her comedy crossness with a five minute monologue outlining the dangers of using the confiscated item.
Mother, mother, mother - give me some credit.
I would never be so stupid as to hurt myself with any of the objects I am studying. Having recent banged my eye on the window sill and run over my toe with the wheels of my walker, I will most certainly not be injuring myself as part of my investigations.
I just may need to stain/tear/smash/set on fire parts of our home in order to pursue my inquiries to their fullest. Which, what with you being a T-E-A-C-H-E-R, and wanting me to be all intelligent and enriched, I'm sure you will support whole heartedly...
*scowls angrily at Mum*
*Mum scowls angrily back*
*Betty sets about melting her own lips to the radiator*