How dare she.
This is absolutely unacceptable.
The Poop has only gone and grown herself an actual, white, enamel coated first tooth. And she had the bad mannered audacity to allow this tooth to pierce her gum and make its very first ever appearance in the world on a day WHEN I WAS AT WORK. What a little madam.
I have spent almost every second of the last nine months in the company of our daughter, and this is how she repays me. She has this evening teased me by smiling in my direction far more often than she ordinarily would, in order to flash the tiny white speck that peeps out goadingly from her otherwise gummy grin.
No one likes a show off. Especially one who bullies her Mum.
So I missed it.
And even though it's only a tooth; even though I saw it later that day; even though it shouldn't matter: I wasn't THE FIRST to witness the peggy sprout. Somebody else knew something about my daughter before I did. And that just won't do. It's totally, utterly no need.
What'll it be tomorrow?
I return from work to find her walking? Driving? Reciting passages from the Bible whilst roller skating around the garden drinking Babycham?
No. I'm sorry. It's got to stop.
There is to be no more growing up, and ABSOLUTELY MOST CERTAINLY NOT A SINGLE NEW THING MORE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN WHEN I'M NOT HERE.