Happy very first ever Father's Day. I hope you have a very lovely day.
On days like today I am supposed to tell you all the reasons why I love you absolutely loads. But first I am going to tell you all the things I don't love about you.
I don't love it when you have a scratchy face. So don't expect a kiss on those days. Or stop it. It's up to you.
I don't love that you are quicker off the mark than Mum is, cause when I'm with you I can't get up to very much naughty/messy/dangerous stuff.
I don't love it when you dress me, because you pick stuff that doesn't match.
I don't love it that it's your job to clean the bathroom, because you don't do it often or well enough (though mainly Mum asked me to put that on the list)
I don't love going in your car because it smells like an old man's bum.
But mostly, I don't love that you go to work for probably, like, every single day. It's dead boring that.
So that's just some stuff you need to sort out. Have a think about it and let me know what's happening with it all.
Now the nice stuff. Hmmm.
Dad's nice stuff...
Well, you don't smell as nice as Mum, so I can't say that.
You don't have very many dance moves and you tell absolutely rubbish jokes, usually about trumps. Maybe they just go over my head, but I don't find any of them funny.
You like really rubbish films, all your music is very bossy and scares me a bit, and you don't wear nearly enough pink. You read books with no pictures, drink stuff I'm not allowed to taste and you haven't got loads of money to buy toys with.
And you're a boy.
You're making it very difficult to find anything to love about you at all.
Erm...I suppose you do have a nice relaxing voice which makes me go to sleep, even when I really don't want to. So, in fact, scrap that. It's one of your absolutely most really annoying things.
Let me think.
You are the most besotted, adoring, enthusiastic, devoted Daddy any little person could ask for. Does that count? Oh cool. Well, in that case, I've got some other stuff. You make me feel safe, cuddled, smiley and protected whatever I am up to. You make me feel like I am dead clever and that I can learn to do anything I want every single day. You are very good at tickling.You encourage me, cheer me on and look absolutely proud as punch when I pick up something new. I love to pull the hairs on your legs, and I think it's funny when you sniff my feet. I know I'm always surrounded by your love, even when you're being dead boring at work. That's like a proper magic power that one.
So you're not all bad. If only you wore a few more pink things, you'd actually be pretty cool.
Most of all though, I love you because you worship the ground I walk on. I know you want all the best things for me and that you will work hard to teach me the sort of person I need to be to make them happen.
I'll still be your little princess when I'm 46. Which is absolutely excellent, because I will quite like that.
Thank you for being my most favourite boy in all the world (for now), and one of my very best friends (for always).
I love you Daddy
Your Poop xxxxxxxxxxxx