What with The Poop being too lazy to get down to the shops herself, her having been refused a credit card and her not being able to see over the counter at Clintons, the responsibility for making sure her Dad gets some nice pressies falls to muggins. So what do we get him?
Now, there are various factors to consider before you all rush at once with your advice.
1) I am still on maternity pay
2) I am still on maternity pay
3) I am still on maternity pay
4) He will want something he can keep
5) I am still on maternity pay
So, weighing up the constraints, I'm thinking cheap. Very cheap. Free even. But also cute. Ah ha! HOMEMADE. What though?
A meal is out of the question - Boo hasn't tackled the kitchen since that time she flambéed her eyebrows off, and making him chew through something I've botched together could not really be categorised a treat, unless you're big pals with salmonella.
An item of clothing will not be possible - I don't own a sewing machine, and Boo is a slave to her deep rooted aversion to undermining import textiles industry.
A picture will be a no no - Boo's sketching still lacks a real awareness of true life proportion, and my penchant for second phase Cubist multi-media collage cannot be facilitated at such short notice. Shame.
So - what could we make?
A card - we're on it. A cake - I can do a cake. And a CD - ooo a mix CD! I love a mix CD me.
I scoured the internet for songs about fathers (and by that I don't mean driving tunes like Deacon Blue or Toto or Aztec Camera - I mean actual songs about being a Dad), as a keepsake for the memory box.
There's the obvious stuff: Papa Don't Preach or Papa Was A Rolling Stone. But if you look hard enough, there's something for almost every sort of Dad.
Tragically Hip: Don't Wake Daddy - for shift working/narcoleptic Dads
Rays: Daddy Cool - maybe not ideal for Dave, but superb for Will Smith's kids
Kid Creole and the Coconuts: Annie, I'm Not Your Daddy - to take the edge of those awkward DNA results
Perry Como: Papa Loves Mambo - for those Dad's of a certain age who go jiving on a Monday night.
Beach Boys: I'm Bugged At My Old Man - a great inroad for healing those fourteen year rifts.
John Denver: Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas) - a shout out for all the absent alcoholic Fathers
James Brown: Papa's Got A Brand New Bag - one for those super stylish gay Dads
Mary Martin: My Heart Belongs To Daddy - a lovely ballad for weirdos
But sadly, there was nothing that really hit the nail on the head for Dave.
I couldn't find a thing about being a really old Dad, or having to put up with two very bossy women or about suddenly sprouting a worrying amount of grey hair.
But I did find this.
She's so lucky. And so am I.
Don't for a second think I ever forget it xx