This leaping about is executed -
- On any surface. Including humans. Even ones we don't know.
- At any time. Including middle of the night. And 6:05am on a Saturday morning.
- In any location. Including when you are attempting to fasten her into her car seat. And when you are lifting Boo, the pram, the changing bags and your own handbag down perilously steep flights of stairs.
- Regardless of what she might be doing. Including eating. And pooing.
Cute you'd think. And if she didn't weigh slightly more than most plant machinery, I can imagine it would be. But after being kicked repeatedly in my lady parts, having been continually head butted into biting my own tongue and following handfuls of my boobs skin being grabbed at and grappled with in order to ensure maximum elevation, I don't feel the least bit apologetic for struggling to spot the adorableness.
Not only does this bounding result in me being black and blue with bruises, her lizard like bopping about is conducted with such wild abandon that we have begun to lose ornaments and furniture. An item of which being our actual STONE FIREPLACE, into which she has carved a dent. Don't ask.
Clearly Betty believes crawling, standing and most certainly walking are the transportation of those less imaginative, innovative and destructive than her good self. So, rather than spend her time honing any means of achieving meaningful locomotion, Boo has opted for this frivolous yet surprisingly violent pastime on which she spends, without exaggeration, 80% of her day.
Not only does this bounding result in me being black and blue with bruises, her lizard like bopping about is conducted with such wild abandon that we have begun to lose ornaments and furniture. An item of which being our actual STONE FIREPLACE, into which she has carved a dent. Don't ask.
 |
| Boo bouncing on my 80 year old Nan. Who has, as a result, been fast tracked for a new hip. |
Clearly Betty believes crawling, standing and most certainly walking are the transportation of those less imaginative, innovative and destructive than her good self. So, rather than spend her time honing any means of achieving meaningful locomotion, Boo has opted for this frivolous yet surprisingly violent pastime on which she spends, without exaggeration, 80% of her day.
Why would she take the next logical step on the charts which map out her expected route of development, when she can provide her mother with a substantial amount of mental torment and maternal anguish by playing wild cards, such as this wayward bouncing, that no parenting book, website or other mother has ever made any reference to?
And you can pack that in and all. I've heard you sniggering at me back there. You might well find it funny now. You probably think I'm just fussing.
But trust me, when she's vaulting around Morrisons in a Tigger suit at twenty six years old, I bet you'll keep your distance.
And you can pack that in and all. I've heard you sniggering at me back there. You might well find it funny now. You probably think I'm just fussing.
But trust me, when she's vaulting around Morrisons in a Tigger suit at twenty six years old, I bet you'll keep your distance.
So cute and funny, yes I'm sniggering but I've been there and got the matching bruises - so hope I'll be excused! x
ReplyDeleteNice to know it's not just me who's black and blue - there's some power in those stubby little legs!
DeleteThanks you for saying hello xx