With our Brilliance in Blogging finalist status creating waves of interest, adoration and global celebration across the world wide web, our AA list celebrity standing has finally been confirmed with the recruitment of at least three new readers. Don't be confused; we are now AA list as in the next people after Z list - like seats in the theatre.
Armed with our blogging genius, we sit, proud, occasionally daring to peep out from behind such so what? legends as Andy Crane, Dean Gaffney and Barry 'Cillit Bang' Scott. As I witnessed Lisa Riley squeeeeze her way past Eunice Hutheart to assume her massive, albeit rightful place on our row...I found myself up, shouting, screaming, stamping my feet and demanding an upgrade. We're better than THIS. We write our OWN GAGS. At the very least we should be on the same row as Russ Abbott.
So. I hit the media. And I hit it HARD. Column inches, that's what'll edge us to the very front of the celebrity auditorium. Harper's Bazaar, Vogue, Fly Fishing Journal. They all got a call from me. Incredibly rudely/totally understandably, they didn't bite. So I had a rethink.
What about if I go local? It's cute and will look so much more endearing on This Is Your Life. Who needs an international glossy when I can access the thinking man's chronicle right here on my doorstep.
The St Helens Reporter. Maybe I should throw those guys a crumb?
I contacted them with my exclusive, shared my thoughts on their angle and provided a few stonkingly hilarious quotes. The reporter's indifferent tone as he told me he'd call me back teemed with the vibe of a man playing it cool. He duly did, and after something about a "slow news week", snatched my hand off.
I answered a few inital questions about my daughter, my genius, and if I was aware just how few other blogs I must have been up against. We then discussed the fact that a photographer would need to call, and I attempted to negotiate some air-brushing, or at the very least a make-up artist. The reporter seemed to think this wouldn't be necessary, as I would be sharing a page with an advert for a discount carpet roll end warehouse, and their offers were to die for. With Berber Loop Pile for £4.99 a square yard, he had a good point.
Based on the article we discussed, me and The Poop should soon find ourselves settling in to our celebrity status alongside more 'akin' celebrity company.
Keep our seats warm, Gary Wilmot.