An Average Day
1% eating, sleeping, cleaning and clothing myself
3% sterilising bottles, dummies and stand by sterilisers
4% picking hard skin off my feet
5% bathing, feeding, changing and clothing The Poop
5.5% picking all the bits of hard skin up off the floor
6% trying to pay the window cleaner by scrounging round
mantelpieces/kitchen drawers/coat pockets
8% mopping up spillages, secretions and general oozings
10% playing loudly, messily and far too competitively Betty
11% moaning about going back to work
16% pondering the reliableness the baby monitor/the baby
monitor reception/the baby monitor batteries
23% assembling prams/disassembling prams/installing car
seats/uninstalling car seats/packing large prams
into tiny car boots/unpacking large prams from tiny
This is how we roll, albeit rarely, cause the bloody pram is such a ballache to keep messing about with.
(In fact, by the time I've wrestled it from the boot of the Micra, swung frustratedly on the catches, knobs, clips and buttons, all the while holding juuuuust the right facial expression, the joy has been completely sapped out of any walking we were planning to do with the bugger, and it has probably started raining. And don't get me started on attaching the rain cover. So I angrily snap and ram at the thing until it has become broken enough to be placed, piece by sharded off piece, back in the boot, and drive back home, by which time Betty will have fallen asleep, so I have to begin the whole unfastening/wrestling/snapping/ramming manoevre with the car seat.)
It is such a good job I love nothing better than spending my life farting about and getting absolutely nowhere.
Otherwise this could have been really awkward.