There was definitely Music. And clearly I caught the session on a day when the Mayhem was also running TOTALLY AMOK. As I pulled up on the car park, you could literally taste the disorder. I was in the right place. We shuffled through reception and, with baited breath, I whispered my enquiry: "Musical Mayhem?" The mentalist behind the counter nodded knowingly before sweeping us through the centre to the heart of the madness.
We arrived at the designated room where prior to entry, we were urged to sign in (a disclaimer probably in light of the chaos about to ensue). As our helper lady leafed through looking for correct page, the unmistakeable stench of havoc seeped from the turning pages, hit my nose and gave me a blast of the million Mayhems that had gone before. A bolt of excitement surged through my body as I quickly scribbled our lives away, took a deep breath, then entered the room. Late as ever, we entered as the group leader completed a crazy-ass talk about fire exits. And from there it went totally haywire.
Whacking on a nursery rhyme CD by those renowned hell raisers Fisher Price, the group leader flew so anarchically in the face of anarchy she dared to start the CD at Track One. See what she did there? Like I said - pandemonium.
We warmed up to a zany rendition of 'One, Two, Buckle My Shoe'. The actions were inspired, the words stirring, the atmosphere electric. It was amazing. Hitting Track Two hard, the group leader clearly felt we were all becoming calm enough to tolerate an extra crank of Mayhem; so she got old skool. The 'I'm A Little Teapot/Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes/Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush medley was proper carnage. One kid's Nan began to hyperventilate.
Track after consecutive track of riotous uproar gave way to the creme de la creme of wacky.... A PLASTIC CRATE OF MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. Swear down. Someone fainted part way through 'One Finger, One Thumb, Keep Moving', so the jubilant throng carried them aloft, enabling their maxed out shell to crowd surf it's way to First Aid. It was bananas. It was bedlam. It was completely and utterly bonkers.
From this point on, the afternoon was a blur of uproarious disarray. I remember little of the songs, the words the actions: I retain only the pulsating rush of certifiable Mayhem.
No. It was not free. It cost me an hour I am never getting back.