Dave: Right. Has everyone got a drink? Okay, we would like to say a few words, well, I'D like to say a few words, SHE'D like to say a lot of words, so we've compromised on saying SOME words between us.
Firstly, we'd like to thank the people that have made today happen. For their artistic flair in creating beautiful cakes, for their patience in producing hand knitted Christening gowns, and for their ability and willingness to cough up cold hard cash. Thank you all so much for being there for all three of us.
Obviously, we'd like to thank you all for coming. As you can see, it's only a small do - so congratulations!
We've looked forward to properly welcoming our little girl into the world, and we couldn't think of a better bunch of people to celebrate with. Granted, we didn't think very hard...
Speaking of which....erm...the Godparents. Another shambling last minute gamble. I mean, we've got Will in charge of her spiritual development for God's sake. Then there's Seb. He's taller than me. He's an atheist! And he's a bloody City fan. And as for Godmothers. There's Christina. Well, I'm just amazed she's remembered to turn up today - she's not exactly known for her organisational skills. And then there's Sarah. Has everybody met Sarah? You will do. Has everybody got Sarah's business card? You will do. Fortunately, they are also the most honest, passionate, caring people we could imagine our daughter growing up around. Thank you all for agreeing to be an important part of our Poop's life.
Now I'll pass you over to Cathey who would like to say A FEW words...*looks to guests* good luck.
Me: *claps and rubs hands together* Right, for those of you that don't know, not that I can imagine there is ANYBODY who doesn't know, but I have been writing a blog, everyday, about Boo since just before she arrived with us last September. Incidentally, this blog has been shortlisted for a Brilliance In Blogging award, and you can vote for it at www.myfunnymummy.org.
I write this blog to give to Betty as a momento of her first year, and to stop Dave's ears from bleeding. Usually my posts are about dribbling and crawling and poo (all mostly Betty's). But occasionally, I find something pleasant to write about.
Tuesday 28th February
5 Month Check. Betty was ON FORM.
She tried to sit up.
She blew raspberries.
She rolled over.
She broke the scales.
What a show off. She is definitely my daughter.
Amongst my cynicism, my rib ticklingly witty ways and my modesty, I must make one point very clear.
I love my daughter. I love her incredibly. I love her wholly. I love her so much that sometimes I can't breathe a bit. (And I don't mean like when I change her bum and I HAVE to hold my breath a bit)
She makes me tired. She makes me untidy. She makes me look a scruff. She makes me brain bustingly stressed. She makes me even later than I am capable of being all on my very own (i.e. shockingly late).
She makes me write a blog where I whinge and moan about and pretend she's terribly hard work and that it's absolutely awful for me.
She makes me hard and firm and uncompromising, but soft and calm and gentle.
She makes the stuff I do in my life a lot more complicated, but the stuff I want to do so much simpler.
She makes me feel like I'll never be good enough to be her Mum, but that she'd never let anyone else try.
She makes me forget keys/appointments/my own name, but remember every move she makes.
She makes me long for the things I did before her, but reminds me how little any of it meant.
She makes me worry about what we can give her, but then smiles because she's already got it.
She makes me unbelievably, exceedingly, extraordinarily proud.
And she makes me pour my heart out, in writing, to strangers, across the internet.
My God. That girl is GOOD.
So, My Funny Mummy, eh? Laugh a bloody minute. Seriously though - www.myfunnymummy.org...
So please, could you all raise your glasses - to Betty Poop xx