Baby Massage: Part Three

Gluttons for punishment, we turned up today for the last session.

And IT WENT SWIMMINGLY. WITHOUT A HITCH. TEXTBOOK.

1) Arrived early. 

(Knew you wouldn't believe me, so I took this pic of my car clock and the outside of the centre - and IT IS the centre - you can see the OFSTED sign in the back there.)

Baby Massage to start at 3:30pm.

2) The class usually starts at 1:00pm, but due to today's time change, I had to feed BB when we got there. Not a problem. I'll do it in the car. And I did.

(Okay, so she managed to stuff her hand into the food pot while I was getting a piece of hair out of my eye, and I shook her bottle without having screwed the top on properly so it sloshed all over the back seat - but this sort of thing happens to everyone, right?)

3) Got inside. 

(So being early reminded me why I don't mind being late. Not only did I feel ill, a quick bout of uneasy early-itus, I then had to make conversation with people I have no desire in socialising with. I don't want to pretend I care what your baby's name is, how old they are or that I give a monkeys about their sleeping patterns. I've got one of me own, and I guarantee she's better at all of it that yours. Fact. And if one more idiot tells me my daughter is "a big girl" and going to get her to sit on them - but this sort of thing happens to everyone, right?)

4) Got ourselves sorted on a mat. 

(While undoing Boo's clothes, she trumped fairly loudly in my mouth, then as I recovered suddenly grabbed out at another child's hair, missed and settled on his face, digging her claw like talons into his soft, previously unblemished newborn beautifulness. He screamed the house down, we were subjected to the naughty corner - but this sort of thing happens to everyone, right?)

5) Completed the range of new massage techniques.

(With Boo deciding to ACTUALLY LAUGH like some mini Simon Cowell EVERYTIME the Mum's were encouraged to sing a nursery rhyme while massaging - but this sort of thing happens to everyone, right?)

6) Received Boo's first ever certificate.

(Though I didn't notice anyone else getting one - clearly they want to completely eliminate the possibility of us showing up next week - but this sort of thing happens to everyone, right?)

BB's first ever certificate

7) Left the centre with an air of superiority, dignity and togetherness.
(Until a tube of Caneston thrush cream tumbled out of the side pocket of the changing bag, met with my foot at exactly the moment that it could be furthest shot across the car park, and came to a stop between the feet of a pair of happily chatting Mum's - but this sort of thing happens to everyone, right?)

As I said, TEXTBOOK.
(Ish.)